The Day I Almost Lost My Sh*t at the Store

(warning: mild profanity)

Today is Saturday – the day before Father’s Day. We decided to do our Father’s Day dinner with my extended family at my house tonight instead of tomorrow. I woke up this morning with a mental schedule which started with going to Stew Leonard’s (the Disney of grocery stores) as soon as the kids were done with breakfast.

“Are you insane to go to Stew’s on a Saturday?” I kept asking myself. Dad wanted lobster and hubby wanted steak for their Father’s Day dinners, and Stew’s was the one place that had that (and more) on sale at the same time. So I decided to suck it up and brave the lunatics who shop there on Saturday for sport because, afterall, it WAS Father’s Day and my men were entitled to lobster and steak. To add a little craziness to the mix, I needed to bring my almost-three-year-old twins with me because hubby had other things to do.

I pulled into the parking lot at about 8:15, surprised to see that it was already pretty crowded.

See that signage that says “World Largest Dairy Store” and “Ripley’s Believe it or Not”? Yep, crazy to go on a Saturday. credit:

“Hmm…” I muttered. “Now I’ll have to walk the length of the parking lot with the two hungry monkeys screaming for cookies.” But as I drove around the lot, I was psyched to see that THE prime parking spot in the store – that one spot that’s only a few steps from the front door – was free.


Shopping was bearable. I walked in with a mission, slowed down only by shoppers strolling through the store who were blocking the aisles by stopping at every possible little food sample. When I walked out of the store with my overflowing giant double-kid bus of a cart, a punk in a macked-out car (you know what I mean – giant spoilers on the back, coffee can tailpipes, dark tinted windows, bass booming) slowed to follow me once he realized that my parking spot was sort of close to the door.


‘Are you freaking kidding me? Is he really going to wait while I unload my groceries AND my kids??” I thought to myself.

Well, “wait” is a nice way to put it. While I was unloading my bags and trying to figure out how to make enough space in my car without crushing the bread, killing the lobsters and allowing the watermelon to roll and crash around the car, the guy in the car alternated between honking and screaming profanities in 5 second intervals.

“Move faster, you fat bitch…” he screamed out, while my toddlers parroted him. After about the 5th time, I put down my groceries, secured the cart and walked over to his car.

“HEY, YOU LITTLE DIPSHIT. I have a cart full of groceries and two angry toddlers. I’m not going load my groceries or my kids into the car any faster simply because your lazy ass can’t walk the extra 100 yards to the door. So I suggest that unless you want some crazy middle age Asian chick going apeshit on you in front of your piddly friends, that you either shut the f*ck up, or park somewhere else.”

I wasn’t proud of my outburst, but felt immense satisfaction when his friends all piled on him, making fun of him for being called out by the “crazy bitch.” In what I assume was an effort not to be embarassed any more than he had been, he looked at me, flipped the finger and drove off muttering, “F*ck you, bitch!”

As I finished loading my groceries and snapped my kids into their carseat, I heard a woman’s voice.

“Excuse me? Are you leaving?”

I looked over at her and noticed that she had one kid about 2 years old in full meltdown mode and a crying infant (~1 month old) in the car. She had that trademark “Mom with new baby” look – dazed, exhausted, slightly desperate. I smiled and said, “Yes. Leaving right now,” and I saw a look of relief come over her face clearly stemming from the fact that she got one of the best parking spots in the store lot. To her, this meant that she didn’t have to drag her screaming toddler and crying infant any further than they needed to be.

Karma was present today at Stew’s. It made my Saturday morning trip nominally bearable. It put a punk in his place. And it gave a little break to a new mom in desperate need of one (in the form of an awesome parking spot at the store).

The Stew Leonard’s Farm Fresh Five!

20 thoughts on “The Day I Almost Lost My Sh*t at the Store

  1. 텍사스홀덤사이트I happen to be writing to let you be aware of what a helpful encounter my cousin’s child gained checking your site. She figured out plenty of issues, most notably what it’s like to possess an ideal helping spirit to have most people really easily learn specific tricky things. You really did more than readers’ expected results. Thank you for showing such warm and friendly, healthy, edifying and cool tips on the topic to Mary.

  2. I am so sorry this happened to you, but love the way you handled it and the happy ending. I would have been hauled away from the police for assault if that were me in your shoes … great story, not good that it happened, but a great story.

  3. I agree with Kate Street….you should be SUPER proud of yourself… i sure am…my chest literally swelled with pride reading this! i hope i would have the nerve in the same situation!

  4. Love this! When I was pregnant with twins & desperate for a “15 minute pick up” spot to get my big kids from aftercare at our local Y (without walking a mile), the abundance of grey haired men parking in those spots & strolling in, to “work out” really tested my goal to maintain positive karma. And if not them, teenagers, who I’m pretty sure weren’t picking up anybody under 10. I do wish we could do more for the harried moms with very young kids. But now that I’m on the other side & my kids are all 4 1/2 & up, I am happy to be the sharp elbow that helps give the moms with the youngest the next spot, anywhere.

  5. Thank you, everyone, for your responses! I woke up a little cranky that day and I needed to take it out on someone, LOL! I’m glad that you all got a little laugh out of it!

  6. I had to read that out loud to my husband b/c I loved it THAT much. I’m glad you told that *person where to go…maybe if more people stuck up for themselves the way you did, he might think twice about his actions….doubt it, but I’d like to think so.
    * and by person I mean a lot of words I can’t say on here!

  7. I LOVE YOU for calling him out!! That’s AWESOME. I would have been furious and snapped also. Also…I loooove Stew’s. I used to go to the Newington one all the time when we lived in Middletown and I miss it sooooo much in Eastern CT. Sigh.

  8. Wow! I was there on Saturday too (getting lobsters too!) and it was such a zoo! I was on a mission as well and kept my cool but I’m so glad you told that teenager where to go! There’s really no need to be that rude when you go to Stew’s on a Saturday afternoon. What more are you expecting??

  9. I love this! So glad you put the little punk in his place. I hate Stew’s. We hardly ever go there and every time we do Kitten cries because she’s afraid of the animatronic cow.

  10. Vivian… you are a gem! Love your sense of humor even in times of total anguish! And good for you for standing up for yourself. I am absolutely disgusted by how that asshole treated you! And in front of your young children??? He deserved to be embarrassed! He’s lucky you didn’t call the cops as far as I’m concerned because that is harrassment!

  11. Oh, Dear Sister, you SHOULD be proud of your outburst! *I’m* proud of your outburst!! Seriously, you go! And I’m so glad the story ended the way it did. LOVE YOU!!!!

  12. That is pretty awesome! We had great parking karma at a popular hiking/walking spot in our hometown of dc on Father’s Day last weekend. As we pulled up in our minivan with four kids and saw the jammed lot and realized our mistake I realized I would have to take, and entertain all four kids while hubby got to “take a break” and find a space to park the van. A single young man having just taken a fabulous spot right up front in his sporty BMW. As we were unloading by the entrance though, a lovely woman and her four children walked out of the park and asked, ” do you need parking?” I nodded my emphatic YES! She said, “it will take a few minutes as I’m waiting on two more (hubby,one more kid and a dog) but you can have our spot- two spots down”. It’s just lovely when moms notice other moms in need and go that extra mile. Kudos to you and kudos to “that mom” who helped me out. I don’t know her name but I’ll never forget her:)

  13. I totally LOL’d reading this post! I dread going to Stews for so many reasons…if only their chocolate chip cookies weren’t so darn good, I would never go there.

  14. That was the best Viv! You go girl! Good for you! We’ve all felt that way and have had the same kind of day! Rock on vivan!

  15. Rock on Viv! I remember once being called thunder thighs while jogging. To this day i am haunted by that voice and wish i had chased the punk down and given him a piece of my mind! –jenna

  16. OMG, seriously??!?! I am shocked (and appalled) that even a dipshit teenager would speak that way to a stranger. Thank goodness you put him in his place!

  17. OMG, you are HYSTERICAL!!!! LOVE IT! That really was so awesome to read, I can’t imagine how it actually felt! GOOD FOR YOU.

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