Something has shifted in me. A few days into the New Year, I turned 39. It was rather uneventful which was nice. I spent the evening with my little family over sushi and was in bed by 8pm because we have a baby and I have learned to just go to bed when she goes to bed if I want to actually sleep in the night. In the weeks after, I have noticed a change in myself.
For one, I went back to work in the office after maternity leave and it was tough. It was tougher than when I returned after having my first baby. I placed these unrealistic expectations on myself. Of course I can jump right back in, I have done this before. After a sleepless night where I ruminated all of the changes that have happened, my mind and body told me that simply was not the case. I talked with my supervisor, with my husband and family and friends and even my OB and had a plan of action. With the support of my supervisor, I adjusted my work schedule to work from home a few days a week temporarily. This has helped tremendously and I’m grateful I am able to do that.
In the past I could multitask like crazy. I was always busy just doing something. Now, I truly focus on the present and what I am doing in the moment, whether it be folding laundry or playing with my kids.
Another thing I noticed is that I was closed off and had a bit of social anxiety. Now I strike up conversations with strangers at the grocery store with ease. My oldest daughter was invited to a classmate’s birthday party and I didn’t know the parents of the birthday girl. Normally I would get a bit nervous about carrying a conversation with people I don’t know but it turned out to be a really nice time and I didn’t get flustered or feel…weird.
Could it be that in my last year of my 30’s I’m finally comfortable with who I am? I think so. Could it also be that our family is now complete with a little girl who has shifted my priorities in the best possible ways? Absolutely. I’m finally hitting my stride with motherhood and it only took me 7 years! All thanks to my 30’s. Now I look forward to the lessons of my 40s.