I Can Hear You Mom.

boy-all-alone-in-the-sand-looking-sadI can hear you Mom.  I know you don’t want me to because you’re talking in your whisper voice or in another room, but I hear you.  Even though I’m playing with my trains and you think I’m not listening, I am.  I hear you.  And I know.  I’m five years old now, so I know a lot.  I don’t understand all the words you’re saying.  I don’t know what divorce or custody mean but I know you’re angry.  One time, I was even on the stairs listening to you and Dad talk and you didn’t know I was there.  I heard you saying my name and my sister’s name a lot.  I heard words that I know are bad words because you tell me I’m not allowed to say them.


I know you are always tired because your face looks old. Older than the pictures when me and Sissy were little and your eyes were happy.  I know you’re scared.  I know because you have the same face I do when I see a monster on TV or when I think there is a ghost in my room.  When I’m scared I climb in your bed and you tell me “It’s ok baby.  I love you” and then I’m not scared anymore.  Are you sad because Dad doesn’t say that to you?


I know when we do a big family hug together you don’t want to be in it.  I know because when you hug me alone I feel your love.  When we are in a big family hug, I don’t feel your love.  I know you want to run away.  Like when Great Gramma hugs me tight and I don’t like how her shirt smells and I want to run away but I don’t.


I know the only time you are Real Mommy is when Dad isn’t home. When Dad is home you’re Robot Mom and you are extra happy and extra nice but when I see your smile I know it’s not a real smile.  It’s like when someone takes a picture and tells you to “say cheese.”  That’s what your smile is like.  I don’t like it.  That’s why I’m bad and I don’t share with my sister and I don’t put away my toys. That’s why I yell at you and don’t listen when you tell me to do something.  I want you to be Real Mommy.  I don’t want Robot Mom.


I can see you Mom.  I know that when you turn your head away from me it’s because you’re crying.  Why do you want to hide?  I don’t hide when I cry.  When I cry you say “It’s ok baby.  I love you” and then I stop crying.  Are you still crying because no one is doing that to you?


I know you Mom.  I know you’re so very sad.  I know you want to be happy but you’re not.  I am sad that you’re sad.  We are a team Mom, just like you tell me.  I know you love me and my sister.  I know you don’t love Dad.  I know when you say “everything is fine baby” you’re lying and lying is bad.  I am five years old, remember Mom?  I know a lot.

4 thoughts on “I Can Hear You Mom.

  1. Such a terrible time for a family to go through. But it WILL get better, even though you can’t imagine that now. Sometimes the choice we want (such as happy intact family) is just not available and we have to move on to the next best choice. I am from the Divorce Class of 1998 and 17 years later, we are all fine — more than fine, in fact! Stay strong and take care of yourself.

  2. so sorry you are going through this…I hope writing about it makes you feel a little better…we are all here for you.

  3. Our children are so smart and so perceptive. They see a lot but I think they also understand a lot. I’m so sorry that you are feeling sad and I hope that this will pass soon and you both will be stronger as a result.

  4. It’s true that they see the stuff we wish they didn’t but they see so much more, too. They see mama bear at work. They see the strength, love, and the hope of happiness and light to come ❤

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