Dear Friends, Acquaintances and even Husband,
I want to help you. I want it all to be ok. And not just ok, easy. And wonderful. You mean a lot to me. It seems like I have a million reasons why I can’t be the friend/person/mom/wife I want to be (or used to be). Here they go.
- My kid sleeps like shit. I can’t go “out” anymore if it means I will be up past 10pm. Sure, I can get a babysitter, but it’s a little expensive to have one stay all night. My three year is in a terrible phase when it comes to sleep. She takes a long time to fall asleep, often coming out of her room multiple times. She wakes at least once a night to cuddle (we don’t) and usually wants to start her day well before 6am. My nights are completely unpredictable all over again. I miss assuming I’ll get a full night of sleep. Boo-hoo. Woe is me.
- I don’t know what to invite you to and what not to invite you to. I’d love to have you come to everything, but there’s a few things even I’d be ok with missing. My kids absolutely adore you. I adore you! But will you kill me if I invite you to every school play for the next 15 years? I don’t want you to feel hurt if I assume you’ve got something better to do. (I recently cleared this up when one of my best friends – she says invite and she’ll politely decline if not interested – she’s so great!)
- I don’t have a minivan. I so want to be that mom who offers to help my mom friends on the daily. I’d love to offer to bring your kid home from school anytime you aren’t able or have my daughter bring your son to church so you can have a morning to yourself or with your spouse. But we don’t have a minivan and we can’t fit any extra kids in our car. Even though I can’t offer the daily help at this point, please know we’re here if you need us. We’ll find some way to help even if it means taking both of our cars somewhere.
- I’m a homebody. See #1. My family is away from our house for 5 days out of each week, not counting weekend activities. I’m so sorry that a pajama day is usually what I’d choose over a play date on a Saturday.
Being a mom shouldn’t be an excuse to be a less present friend. Can I use it as an excuse for being a less physically present friend? Because between working and parenting, I am just beat. I know you are too. I don’t blame you, so why do I blame myself? I hope you know how much I care. I try to tell you all. Wouldn’t it be awesome if your nose really did itch each time I thought of you, or thought of something nice I’d like to do for you? I have big ideas but follow through much less than I used to. I forget plans I’ve made in my head to call you, text you, touch base, reach out, send a card for no reason. But sometimes, I don’t forget the nice thing I’d like to do and the stars align and it fills my bucket to fill yours a little. I hope the little things mean a lot to you. I’m trying, I promise.