There was a time that you thought it was just you. It was only your kids who behaved this way or these things only happened to you. Then you started talking to other moms and you realized these truths were universal. Don’t ask why…they just are.
As soon as you buy a pair of shoes, their feet are guaranteed to grow. It’s inevitable, every time I buy my son a pair of shoes, two weeks later he comes home complaining that they are too tight. It doesn’t matter that he was measured and professionally fitted for the sneakers or shoes, or that we left “room to grow in the toe.”
Your kids behave better for other people than they do for you. “Your son is so polite! He is such a pleasure!” While I love hearing that from other people, I wish he would demonstrate those same qualities at home as often as he does outside the home.
Your child will tell you that they need supplies for a school project ten minutes after Staples closes. Don’t you just love that? I consider it a personal challenge to be able to find a tri-fold foam core board at 11pm (NOT!).
Being stuck in traffic stimulates the kidneys. “Mom, I need to go!! Really, right now!!!” Fun fact: Where there is a traffic jam, there are a hundred children who need to pee.
Every child immediately feels better when they are at the doctor, dentist, etc… It doesn’t matter that he has been complaining of an ear ache for two days, the moment we are escorted into the doctor’s office and the nurse takes his vitals, suddenly, all symptoms of illness disappear. The placebo effect is truly amazing.
The moment you make a phone call, your child will have an urgent need. You’ve been taking care of the kids all day, finally, they’re engrossed in an episode of Dora the Explorer and you phone up your BFF to discuss last night’s delicious episode of Scandal. Suddenly, your toddler’s ESP kicks in – she can sense that you’re enjoying yourself and not thinking about her needs at all! “Mooooommmmmm!!! I’m hungry/thirsty/have a toothbrush stuck in my nose…I need you nowwwww!” You hang up.
Someone is bound to get sick 15 minutes before you go on vacation. Tickets? Check. Bathing suits packed? Check! Sunglasses? Check! WHO SNEEZED? How does it always happen that someone gets sick the moment you leave for the airport? It is one of life’s great mysteries.
The moment you seriously start thinking about running away, your child will wrap their arms around you and tell you that they love you. THIS is what keeps us around.