This post is being brought to you by just the right combination of no sleep last night, a missed nap today, and a conversation with our pediatrician.
I do doubt myself A LOT as a parent, but I am rarely insecure about my parenting, if such a distinction can be made. I
obsess over question my son’s development and health all the time even though deep down I’m (pretty) sure he’s doing just fine, but I don’t find myself really comparing him to other babies his age. Not with any seriousness, anyways. In a nutshell, I’m a worrier. I will always be that parent who sneaks into their kids’ rooms multiple times a night to make sure they’re not too hot/not too cold/still breathing. Sorry, Teenage Lenny.
It took today’s perfect storm of circumstances, however to make me not only doubt my parenting but also make me really insecure about it, too. Lack of sleep will do that to you. We also ran out of coffee today, so there was that.
In a nutshell, without giving you a play-by-play of the conversation with my pediatrician, these are the thoughts that ran through my mind this morning after my son’s checkup:
Did we wait too long to introduce solids?
Why isn’t Lenny sleeping through the night?
Why haven’t I thought about fine motor skills like picking a Cheerio off of his highchair tray?
Does our highchair even have a tray?
Why isn’t the highchair assembled yet?
Do we have to sleep train again? I’m not sure I can do it.
We eat dinner so late. How can Lenny possibly “eat what we eat?”
Why haven’t I cleaned the booster seat yet? He can at least be using that until the highchair is assembled.
I need to be putting Lenny in his crib for a nap instead of holding him. He sleeps in a crib at daycare. Why haven’t we done any of this sooner? What are we waiting for?
I’m glad I didn’t spend any money on a baby food maker since we can skip straight to table food. Did we miss a step in there though? He’s only ever had a few bites of banana and sweet potato. Why did we wait so long?
Why can’t Lenny sooth himself to sleep when he’s with me? All he wants to do is nurse.
I really will be nursing Lenny to sleep forever. Sorry again, Teenage Lenny.
I left the doctor’s office exhausted and confused. What was really a simple conversation with the pediatrician about sleep and food had turned into a whole tornado of self-doubt and the feeling that I am not doing any of these ancillary things well enough. This feeling is only compounded when I see pictures on Facebook (damn you, Facebook! Wait, I love you, I didn’t mean it.) of other kids Lenny’s age or younger already enjoying homemade soups and chunks of cantaloupe for a snack. That they can pick up on their own. While sitting in their highchairs. Ugh.
Today’s Hug post and its message couldn’t have come at a better time. I can’t claim to have any answers yet about any of my questions but, as the post alludes to, I can maybe at least put the brakes on my out of control, train-wreck thinking. Lenny eats. Lenny sleeps. Until we figure out something that works better for us, he is just fine for now. We’re doing the best we can right now, and will work it out as we go along. Someday, we’ll have perfected the art of acting like we have it all figured out even though we’re flying by the seat of our pants, so that no one will be the wiser. Sorry again, Teenage Lenny.