I wanted to revisit how it has been going since I am now the primary breadwinner and almost sole provider Ever since our second child was born, my husband has been the primary caregiver. With the roles changing I wanted to discuss the good, bad and ugly about this change as it applies to my family.
So here are a few updates and/or tips to anyone else who is embarking on this relationship:
1. I feel a ton more pressure: I know this sounds nuts but knowing my income and bonuses are imperative to our survival definitely bring a level of pressure that you cannot avoid. Before there were two incomes so it wasn’t such a big deal. Now I have to admit when I do not get an extra bonus it directly affects our month and budget. I am in sales so sometimes I am doing well and sometimes not so much.
2. Every night I take over bath time, etc to give my husband a break: Some days my husband looks cool, calm and collected. Other nights he looks like he has been shot over and over with a pellet gun. The pellet gun being my toddler son and baby daughter. When I get home from work no matter how tired I feel I jump in take the kids while he is cooking and I take over the night-time routine. I know it is not nearly as much work as he has done during the day with the kids but it also gives me one on one time with my children.
3. I am so thankful for my husband and his patience: I have said it before and will say it again, I am not made to be a stay-at-home mom. I do not have the patience that my husband or countless other amazing stay-at-home mom’s have. Reality is I am not much of a kid lover. I LOVE MY KIDS but have never been a huge kid lover. I know it sounds weird but that is the truth. So I am extremely thankful for a partner who has patience to be consistent, loving but stern all at the same time.
4. Male or Female, the stay-at-home counterpart will feel like they are undervalued: For the most part my husband has loved being home but there have been one or two times he has brought up that he feels like I do not help enough. Stepping back from being exhausted, I have to realize he is probably more exhausted. He is literally the primary caregiver to our children, and as parents we all know how hard this is. So I try to step up my game, especially on the weekends, with cleaning, and cooking.
5. I push my husband to have alone time: I try to push him to do things for himself. Although I am working I do get to be an adult and not be bombarded by children all day long. Case in point – I have basically pushed him out the door on more than one occasion to either go for a ride on his motorcycle, play some basketball, take a guys night out….just about anything to let him get some “me” time so he comes back happier. Some days he is so tired it doesn’t happen but when it does I can see the effect it has on him. He comes back relaxed and refreshed.
Just like anything in marriage it is an ongoing process and takes constant work and attention, which can be hard with two little people constantly grabbing at you. So far this arrangement seems to work for us. Finger’s crossed it continues to work well but I am sure I will blog about it if it doesn’t LOL.