Oh, Facebook . . .

This week I decided to remove myself from a Facebook moms’ group that I had been added to by an out of state relative. I followed along for several months, but I realized that while I do believe in what these moms are doing, I am not against the things that they are condemning. I also felt myself starting to judge and become condescending. I have two kids and most of these women are younger with only one baby. I was beginning to feel like I knew more than them because I’d been around the block a time or two. In parenting, my views fall pretty much square in the middle. I think it’s super to wear your baby as much as you like, but I also don’t see a problem with a bit of crying it out. I also started judging myself. Am I not fit to be a mom because the thought of having to rock my baby until she falls asleep every night gives me hives? Is it bad I’d rather be packing the lunches for the next day, wiping down the counters and heading to bed myself? I comforted myself by telling myself that these moms have only been doing this a few months and surely they wouldn’t want to still be rocking to sleep every night when their kids are two and three years old. Again, there’s the judging happening. Let them rock their babies. How does that even begin to affect my life and my kids!? I certainly doubt that little Johnny is going to brag to my kid on the playground that his mom loves him more because she doesn’t mind an hour-long bedtime every night while her mom fidgets through a dreaded princess story.

Don’t get me wrong – this group was in no way mean or rude. Comments were always respectful. Also, don’t get me wrong – I was not offended or hurt. It takes quite a lot to offend me (but please don’t try). Recently there was a post asking members of the group to share the worst piece of advice they had ever heard. I just felt this was asking people to say negative things about other people and I just really wasn’t interested in hearing it. Surely the people giving the advice meant well. So after reading a few, which weren’t mean at all, I decided it was just better to remove myself from the group.

My takeaways:

  • I need to remember: It’s not a problem unless it’s a problem for me.
  • If a situation is making me feel uncomfortable or I am starting to feel judged or judgmental, it’s probably best to remove myself from that situation.
  • I can celebrate the way I parent and the choices I make without belittling the choices of another parent.
  • It doesn’t matter if I disagree with another parent’s style because they aren’t raising my kids and I’m not raising theirs.

4 thoughts on “Oh, Facebook . . .

  1. I cannot agree with your first point more – it is not a problem unless it is a problem for you! Good job on walking away from what could end up dragging you down!

  2. Just FYI, I found the extended bedtimes pretty excruciating also, and felt like a crummy mother for feeling that way. It’s HARD to be a working mom — that’s why we’re in this group! Now, do you think my grown up children remember any of this? NO, they do not. What they remember is an overall feeling of being loved, being snuggled, being read to (with no specifics), and having someone GENUINELY interested in their doings (even if I had to fake excitement about Super Mario victories from time to time). Childhood is a big blur for the most part, it turns out. Specific evenings and moments are not what’s important. So forgive yourself and definitely stay away from the Judgy People.

  3. Thanks for being so honest about this Jenn. And props to you for removing yourself from a situation that was causing you a little bit of anxiety.

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