Confessions of a first-time mom

Nothing brings the confessions out faster than being a new parent.  I can’t be too shy about sharing my parenting faux pas since they’ve become my new reality anyways.  There’s no hiding from them!  Come wade with me through my dirty laundry pile—literally or figuratively, ‘cause I’ve got a lot of that going on too…

My child is dirty.

Bath time–it’s just not happening, folks.  I’d love to work a bath into my son’s bedtime routine, or morning routine, or any routine for that matter.  There just don’t seem to be enough hours in the day.  Most times, it takes poop up his back and/or spit-up matted in the hair at the back of his neck for us to squeeze a bath in for Baby Boy.  It’s sad, but true.  I figure the most important parts of him get a good wipe every time he needs a diaper change, so there’s that.  But, until we get our acts together a little better, most times he’ll have to settle for a quick full-body wipe-down with a diaper wipe, or the occasional real bath at Grandma’s.  I think she’s onto us.

Baby Boy loves bath time.
Baby Boy loves bath time.

It took Baby Boy scratching a chunk out of his forehead before I took action on his fingernails.

Please don’t call the hygiene police on us!  But baby nails?  I just can’t.  How such tiny little things can be so razor sharp, I don’t know.  I suppose it’s a sign of good nutrition that his nails just keep growing and growing, but I simply can’t keep up.  They grow, and then they break into awful jagged talons that leave telltale marks all over his face.  We tried merely filing them for a while, but that didn’t seem to be effective, or last very long.  I was terrified to try clipping his nails early on, so only recently did we break down and buy baby nail clippers.  This method is working much better for us, but I feel really bad for letting him scratch himself for so long without trying something different.

Those aren't freckles across the bridge of his nose...
Those aren’t freckles across the bridge of his nose…

I found maternity leave boring.

This is a hard one for me to admit.  As much as I was in mommy-bliss over my new son, I was bored.  In fact, I believe I was getting depressed spending my days just nursing in front of the television.  Taking care of a newborn is draining and demanding, and yet, I felt like I wasn’t doing anything productive.  As it turns out, I was offered a new job just weeks into my maternity leave, and I made the decision to cut my leave in half and return to work after just six weeks.  Trust me, I felt my fair share of guilt, panic and sadness over leaving my Baby Boy so soon, but part of me was really looking forward to being back in a schedule.   As it turns out, Baby Boy and I are both thriving in our new routines.  I find my new job challenging, rewarding and fun, and I am proud to provide more for my family than I used to.  I think I was meant to be a working mom.  Stay-at-home moms: you are my heroes.

There was a lot of this in those early days.
There was a lot of this in those early days.

I didn’t cry when my son was born.

All signs pointed to that I would, even though I’m not much of a crier.  But the process of getting pregnant and then being pregnant had left me emotionally raw.  I was so ready to just meet my son and hold him for the first time.  I remember feeling immense relief and pride over delivering a healthy baby, but there were no tears.  My husband cried, but I couldn’t cry with him.  It wasn’t until we were home about a week, when Baby Boy and I were in his nursery alone, skin-to-skin and nursing, that it hit me, and the tears came.  I think that was the moment I truly fell in love with my baby.

My sweet Baby Boy during one of our nursing sessions.
My sweet Baby Boy during one of our nursing sessions.

Any other new moms out there want to join me in my confessions?


6 thoughts on “Confessions of a first-time mom

  1. I could have written this post too – you are not alone. Except my kids are absolutely filthy so I do give them a bath every night. Seriously, someone would call the authorities on us if I didn’t. Glad you’re loving being back to work and glad your new gig is awesome!

  2. I loved every single word! My baby boy HATED baths until he was 5 months old. Needless to say, in those first 5 months, he didn’t receive tons of baths. And baby fingernails…I think that there should be a prenatal class dedicated to how dangerous those thing are! Thank you, times a million, for giving voice to how many women feel about maternity leave and attempting to create a routine. I love my job, and I worked until my water broke at work. I returned to work 3 weeks after having my son because I work for a very small non-profit and my employer rocks because I was able to bring my baby into work with me every day. In theory, it sounds perfect, however when I finally found a full-time babysitter for him while I worked, both baby and I seemed abundantly less stressed and were able to connect much better. Once again, thank you. Your words, your honesty gives permission to moms and dads to admit even though they deeply love their child/children, having different purposes in life is important, too. I am going to go overboard and say thank you, again. You enjoy Baby Boy, who is as cute as a button!

  3. Oh gosh I cried reading this too! Which is ironic because I’m crying about how you didn’t cry. I loved this and relate to every single one. Welcome back!

  4. Well, Gena, I cried! What a sweet post.

    I think it is AMAZINGLY BRAVE of you to admit you were bored during maternity leave. I always felt everyone else was in a state of bliss while I felt like a giant host to an insatiable parasite (sorry, #1 son! Love ya!). No one tells us that babies can be boring, and the guilt when that crosses our minds can feel just awful.

    Baby Boy is super cute and I am so happy for you and Mr. Gena!!

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