It’s been a rough week.  We said goodbye to Nana, the adrenaline rush of being back at work has run out, we all seem to be coming down with something, and baby’s “sleeping like s$%#” phase is lasting so long that I’m starting to think it’s not actually a phase.  When I sat down to write my blog this week, I couldn’t get all the stupid, complainy thoughts out of my mind, so I decided to just barf them all out at once for your reading pleasure.  Here you go, a list of some of the stupid, trivial things that are bugging me right now.  I’m super cranky – you’ve been warned.

Things that require batteries to work.  Because we spend about as much per month on batteries as we do on electricity.

The music of things that require batteries to work.  Your synthesized bastardization of beautiful classical pieces makes me sob into my pillow at night.  I also find myself humming you in the shower, at my desk at work, in the car… And you sound super creepy when your batteries are running low, which is ALWAYS.

Velcro bibs.  Not only do these irritate my baby’s neck (and my soul), but you have to stick the velcro together on each bib before you put them in the wash to avoid having each clothing item come out with four bibs stuck to it.  We have about a jillion of these things, meanwhile only two with snaps, and seriously like a million more that tie.  Aside: Who actually uses the ones that tie???

The Binkie.  Like an on-again-off-again boyfriend, I love you, I hate you, I need you, I’m googling how to get rid of you.  Because of you, baby sleeps great and stays happy.  Because of you, I’m up 37 times some nights and end up sitting in traffic with a screaming baby in the back.

My breast pump.  Disclaimer: I am super thankful to have a milk supply and to have had the opportunity to feed my baby breast milk.  However, not only am I still somewhat resentful of the fact that I’m not nursing full time, but I am totally resentful that I have to hook myself up to this machine multiple times a day.  I plan my day around my pumping sessions and can never be away from the pump for too long.  I would sometimes love to drop kick it across my living room, but that would just make life more complicated.

Baby clothes that are not black, brown, or navy.  Which for baby girls, is all clothes.  Whoever  decided that babies should wear pastels obviously didn’t have a baby.  Because they poop on themselves.  All the time.  Most ingenious idea ever: I am going to start a line of baby clothes where every item is poop brown.  No pre-treating required, and everything matches.

Things that have days of the week on them.  Cute concept, horridly impractical.  If you’re like me, you either 1) cannot find the item that goes with the day of the week it actually is, 2) cannot remember what day it is, or 3) cannot in good conscience use a Wednesday bib on a Saturday.

Thanks for reading – I feel better already!  What stupid little things are annoying you this week?

14 thoughts on “Complainy-Pants

  1. This reminds me that I need to replace the batteries in the Gloworm…which means I need to buy new batteries, since the last set were stolen from a Wii remote.

  2. If I ever have to listen to the sound of that breast pump it’ll be too soon! Glad you got your crank out in a way that was funny to the rest of us.

  3. On the other hand, those of us not back to work yet rely on the day of the week items to know what day it is! 😉
    And seriously, why can’t our battery operated mobile just have a cord? There’s an outlet right there, it’d be so much easier.

  4. This is so stinkin cute. Breast pump…the sight of one makes me go into fits! And that stupid black carrying bag was supposed to be discreet? EVERY PARENT WHO EVER USED (or had a spouse that used ) one of those knows what’s in that bag!!!

    1. Haha so true! I actually have two pumps (because I love it that much) – one is the pump “in style” that you are talking about in the “discrete” bag. The other has literally the exact same insides, only in this horrendous tan bag. It’s the funniest thing.

  5. HIIIIII-larious! I feel your pain, though. This too shall pass, but in the meantime, thanks for making us laugh!

  6. Do I sense a CTWorkingMoms clothing line? With matching poop brown adult clothes we may not have to keep our own “just in case” work outfit in the car. The binkies…. We bought 40 think, they were everywhere, and yet, never there when we needed one.

    1. I recently looked under the couch and found 3 binkies… But don’t ask me where they are now! I think we’ll still be finding them in random places years from now.

  7. OMG Emily. I’m kind of picturing you with your hair all fucked up and a wild look in your eyes as you wrote I right? Please keep laughing. It’s the only that will save you and your loved ones.

    1. Haha that’s just about right, Kriste! You’re right – laughing is so helpful in through some of this stuff.

  8. HAHA! Um, my boys used seasonal bibs (and pjs…) all. year. long. Christmas in July for sure! And please invent a beautiful wardrobe of poop brown infant clothes. I would buy these items for all my soon-to-be-parent friends!!!

  9. Oh Emily I was cracking up reading these! I’m sorry your feeling cranky, I TOTALLY get it. The one about the binkies literally had me laughing out loud!

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