There Are No Winners in a Mommy War


I don’t know about you, but I’m not the kind of mom that pats herself on the back much. If I could imagine it though, it would sound like this:

“Wow, Shannon, you really nailed that bedtime routine.”

“Look at all that milk you pumped, nice job!”

“You handled that in-store tantrum like a superstar!”

“Look at what independent fun your son had with his sitter today, his (and your) life is better because she’s in it.”

Instead, it’s more like:

“Wow, you totally caved on that extra bedtime book — what a lack of consistency.”

“One ounce!?What sorry excuses for breasts you have.”

“Your kid was beyond embarrassing today — you should have more control over him.”

“Couldn’t handle it and got a sitter? How weak.”

The Mean Mom voice is inside all of us, and we need to silence her destructive voice from ourselves and our fellow moms. Where does she come from, anyway? What is it that makes every decision we make as mothers so dire to get “right?” Why are other moms’ decisions a personal attack on us if they differ from ours?

I think she’s the voice of our insecurities. Being a mother is the most important job we’ve ever had, and even though we’ve never done it before, we set our standards on perfection. But what is perfect? Perfect is that your child is loved, and knows it. And there are about a million right ways to go about doing that.

The moms in my life who make different choices than me are often the ones that I learn the most from.They make me a better parent. So why not embrace our differences without the judging? After all, we share a common passion — we all bounce in line at Target to soothe our babies, we all drop everything to bring their fevers down, we all squeal with joy when we hear their first words, we’re all spit up on, tired, and so vulnerable in our love for our children that our hearts break almost daily. When we’re combative vs. supportive with each other, no one wins.

I’m so excited that The Bump is partnering with CT Working Moms for the first Moms for Moms Day on March 4th. On this day, moms everywhere will share messages of support and compassion for other moms.

So join us, won’t you? On March 4th, print your sign, write a supportive message on it for other moms, and share it with us (@thebump, @ctworkingmoms) on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram using #moms4moms.

Pre-made downloadable signs:

Let’s Love More & Judge Less

Every Mom Makes the Choices Best for Her Family

We’re All in This Together

Our grab a blank file and write in your own positive message!

5 thoughts on “There Are No Winners in a Mommy War

  1. Why, oh why, oh why do we have to have to overthink everything! Great post. Dead on. Let’s ease up on ourselves!

  2. Shannon ~ YES, we do need to stop judging ourselves too don’t we?! And when we stop doing that perhaps it’ll be easier to stop judging others. Great post, Dear Sister.

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