In Which I Single-Handedly End the Working Mom Versus Stay At Home Mom Debate

image credit: wikimedia commons


There is a simple answer to the question of whether it’s better to be a stay at home mom or a working mom:

It really doesn’t matter, as long as, whatever you decide, you give it your all and do it well.

What do I mean?

If you’re staying home with your kids, take that and own it.  What an awesome choice — to be super-available for your littlest family members, to take the reins when someone’s sick or some odd job needs to get done, and to run this place like you mean business.

If you’re a working mom, look at the amazing feat you’re accomplishing:  two full-time jobs, and kicking ass at both.  You give your all at work, at home, all day long, everyday, and when you are finished giving it your all, you give some more.

Whichever one of the above you are, you are WINNING, if you made your choice and do it deliberately, and do it well, every day.  Or even if you didn’t make the choice–you stay home because your job would barely cover childcare, or you work because you need the income to put food on the table–that’s ok too, because it’s not too late to own it and totally crush it.

So which is better?  Neither.  The mom who is doing “better” is the mom who is satisfied with her choice, and frankly, doesn’t really care if anyone else agrees.  She doesn’t care about “better,” because she’s doing what’s right for her family–and is supportive of other moms who may do things differently.  And she is totally killing it with her ninja mom moves.

At this point, you’re thinking, yeah, right.  I am so NOT owning it.  If you’re a working mom, you feel like you’re working two jobs and failing miserably at both.  And as for the SAHM, you feel out of touch with the working world, and like the household is somehow even harder to manage with you in it everyday.  So how do you reconcile that reality with my superly positivicious message above?

Simple again (but admittedly, not easy):

If you are worried and stressed about whether you’re doing a good job, with your kids, with your work, with your life … then rest assured, you are most certainly doing a GREAT job.  Because if you were doing a bad job, you wouldn’t be worried about it.  You’d just be content to wallow in the badness.  So chances are, if you can relate to the dichotomy of guilt and pride that is an inherent part of modern mothering, then it’s likely you are a FABULOUS parent.

9 thoughts on “In Which I Single-Handedly End the Working Mom Versus Stay At Home Mom Debate

  1. Really, really, really awesome post, Melanie. Would love to hear about the moment of clarity that birthed this! (and thank you!)

  2. Perfect message to hear on a day I had to leave my sick little one at home with my mom while I went to work and she took him to the doctors. Makes it just a little easier to deal with the mommy guilt today. Thank you!

Share Some Comment Love

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s