“I’m So Tired, My Mind is on the Blink….”

I’m tired, really tired. It’s only Monday as I write this! But lately the weekends have not been long enough for me. This is true even though I don’t go into the office on Fridays, because I take care of my grandson in the afternoon so I work at home in the morning. So in effect, I have a 2.5 day weekend and it’s still not enough.

I don’t know whether it’s work burnout, or chronic Lyme Disease, or getting older, or the heat, or what. But I’m really tired of being tired.

I definitely don’t go to sleep early enough, so I rarely get 8 hours of sleep. On the weekends, I love to take a 2 hour or longer nap each day. It’s quite delicious, but it doesn’t compensate for lack of sleep during the week.

So I could do a better job of taking care of myself, but the reason I stay up too late is that there isn’t enough time in the day to do all the things I want to do, especially after work. So I’m always pushing the envelope, trying to squeeze out more time. And because I feel my time is so constrained, I end up inert, just watching TV and surfing the internet instead of reading books, knitting or do some of the other projects for which I keep buying supplies and then never getting around to doing.

Having been a working mom for so many years, I think I am still trying to compensate for that feeling of lack of time for things I wanted to do that started waaaay back when I became a working mom. It’s as though I have been overdrawn in the Me-Time Bank since 1982 (when I returned to work after MOS-32 was born) and I can never seem to catch up.

I’ve even been investigating retirement, as I could start collecting Social Security in about a year. But retiring early means you get less money per month in benefits. I have a pension, but that would not start until 2017. Also, I am the major earner in the family so losing my salary would mean a really big change in our lives. I realized that when one stops working, most of the expenses do not change (mortgage, utilities, etc.), to my great surprise. So while retirement has a certain appeal to me right now, it will have to remain a concept, not a reality.

But this weariness and paralysis is, itself, very tiring. I can’t seem to motivate myself to do things. I love to travel but when it comes time to plan a trip, I think, “Nah, I’d rather stay home with the dogs.” But vacations are necessary and renewing and I need to make myself take one! I took a week off in May to just hang out at home and that went by in the blink of an eye. My company has generous vacation and personal leave, but I’ve been hoarding those days because of my commitment to taking care of the baby on Fridays. I think I have some days to spare at this point, so I have to figure out if I want to just rest at home and start those projects or plan an exciting trip. But guess what – it’s making me tired thinking about the decision.

I do not exercise much, which I most definitely need change, but the hot weather is a killer. When I first moved to CT from the pressure cooker that is Philadelphia in the summer, I was amazed that there were usually only 2 or 3 really hot humid weeks in CT summers. I thought that was amazing and wonderful. WELL, what happened to that? Where’s my lovely sunny but not hot CT summer?

My mother was always tired and I resented it a lot. I thought of it as a personal failing on her part, and now I’m the same way! So I am reaching out to my fellow working moms for suggestions and ideas about how to overcome my inertia. Please share your secrets – you are all doing SO much more than I am, with your careers AND all of your little ones to tend to, so I’ll bet you have some good tips.


12 thoughts on ““I’m So Tired, My Mind is on the Blink….”

  1. Thanks for putting a name to it. My mind is on the blink too. I’m so freakin tired and frustrated and overwhelmed most of the time that I say the wrong words constantly. I say living room when I mean kitchen and kitchen when I mean bathroom. I’m a mess. The solution? No clue, but you definitely need to take some time off. Vacation, run away join the circus, whatever it takes before you lose it (Said the cobbler’s kid in barefeet…)

    1. Haha — I could join the circus but I am afraid of clowns! It sounds like the consensus here is vacation, so I will get started on that. Thanks for all the input!

  2. I haven’t found a sure fire way to beat these types of funks. A few things I do: I workout 3 times per week, which helps, I try to squeeze in a few minutes of the day just for ME (by hiding in my closet sometimes), I work full time but asked for 1 work from home day, so I get that most Wednesdays, and I started doing some hobbies that I enjoy. This might sound crazy but feeling busy fuels me. It might be a good idea for you to go ahead and take a vacation to clear your mind and plot out your life.

  3. Oh I WISH I had advice for you. I am always tired too, and it SUCKS. Yesterday I had a hard time concentrating because of it and today my eyelids feel so, so heavy. I’m actually seeing a naturalist Dr. (recommended by Cora) and am hoping that she might be able to help me. I’ll keep you posted 🙂

  4. I drink a lot of coffee. Honestly, I too am always tired. At this point I’ve accepted it as fact. However there are things I’ve done that have helped with the exhaustion. I went to a naturopath and finally got my health in check after years of wondering what was wrong. I try to exercise on a regular basis, but more importantly I found exercise that is self-motivating. Being home for the summer creates its own inertia so I’ve been prioritizing what needs to get done everyday, including squeezing in a little time for myself. It sounds like you need to give yourself permission to be a priority in your own life. Go ahead and do it, you know you want to.

    1. Exercise that is self-motivating? Other than sex, what could that be? Please share! Yeah, giving myself permission to make myself a priority is a tough one. Being part of CTWM was a step in that direction!

  5. Yesm a vacation would be great. You should weite down what you do each day and see how you can slow things down a bit, thats what i did andit seemed to help. Yoga and walks in the evening would be good for you too. Are you taking vitamines?

    1. I take lots of vitamins and supplements. Walks in the evening are on the docket once the humidity goes below 900 %. YOGA — my sister swears by it but I have joint problems so I have to try to find Yoga for Codgers or Sitting Yoga or whatever. I like the idea of writing down what I do all day so I can see where I’m spinning my wheels. Thanks!

      1. But Melissa, if you know of some amazing vitamins that you can recommend, please do!

  6. Awwww….Randi. I am tired for other reasons but truly understand. I think you should plan a vacation. As hard as it may seem to do the bookings and find the great restaurants and do all of the other planning a vacation requires, I think you will feel better getting out of your environment a bit. It be very restorative for you. Find a nice place to rest plenty, eat well and have fun! It has always worked for me in the past.

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