Weebles Wobble but They Don’t Fall Down…

Preface: When you’re a working parent with young kids, there’s no such thing as free time. I’m moving every single moment of the day from the time that I wake up at 4:30AM (to run) to the time that I finally sit down at about 10:30 – after I’ve finished cleaning up, making lunches, preparing tomorrow’s dinner, doing laundry, housework. Most days, I forget to eat dinner until I realize (at 10:30) that I’m kinda hungry. When this happens, I usually eat a giant bowl of cereal while watching the news, then brush my teeth, sit down to catch up on email and am in bed by 11:00, only to start over again at 4:30AM. Weekends are equally as busy because they’re spent doing the things that never get done during the week – grocery shopping, errands, more housework and yardwork and (most importantly) spending time with the kids. My husband and I outsource nothing, and do it all ourselves. 

This afternoon, in lieu of eating lunch, I made one last-ditch attempt to find a swimsuit for our upcoming beach vacation. I don’t have time before we leave to go to Sears/Lands End (which EVERY mom I’ve talked to has recommended), and needed to target stores that I could hit within my lunch hour. This brought me to a sports superstore with a decent selection. I tried on at least a half-dozen swimsuits but was mentally beaten down when I came to the conclusion that all swimsuits in existence are not designed for women shaped like the post-baby me – short, soft and round.

As I was driving back to the office, I was on the verge of tears – not tears of self-pity in the form of woe is me, but tears of pure anger. I was angry that I’m at a point where three years later, I’m still struggling to find a f*cking swimsuit that doesn’t squeeze my doughy rolls into something it wasn’t meant to be squeezed. As I was driving, that little Devil on my shoulder was screaming, “Viv, WTF is wrong with you?? You’re not doing enough. Your kids are almost 3. YOU HAVE NO MORE EXCUSES. Get your sh*t together!”

I’m not one of those genetically lucky women who easily drops weight or was back to my pre-pregnancy clothes within a few short months – I STILL have about 20 pounds of pregnancy weight to lose in addition to the 35+ I’ve already lost.  I’m the type that eats one wrong thing and all hell breaks loose. I was never really excessively overweight before only because I ran…a lot. Before kids, I would put in 30+ miles/week plus have time to do other fitness-related activities – now, I’m lucky if I get to do half of that. It’s not that being this shape is bad; it’s that I am not comfortable where I am and this affects EVERYTHING about me.

As I was bathing my kids tonight and pretending to drink their bathwater tea while they pretended to sprinkle sugar into my toy teacup, it all kind of hit me. I need to accept myself for who I am now. Maybe this is the wrong mindset to have but the sooner I embrace it, the less angry I will be. I need to accept that I am overweight. I need to accept that I’m exhausted to the point of looking haggard. I need to accept that my house is not spotless (in fact, it’s kinda dirty). I need to accept that unless something else gives, THIS will be my new normal for a little while longer because I AM AT CAPACITY.

I also need to accept that all of these things make me a great mom because everything I do, I do for my kids. There really isn’t much room for “me time” at the moment and you know what? I’m ok with it because they, in turn, are happy, healthy, and well-adjusted. When I see their bright smiles, hear their high-pitched giggles and am the recipient of their warm hugs, dealing with the body frustrations, dirty house, and exhaustion are worth it. I know too well that this time will be gone in a few years and by then, I will have MY time back again; probably more time than I would like.  These are the sacrifices that we moms make for our kids, and it’s worth every bit of pain.

So, until further notice, this is the new me – an overweight, haggard, sarcastic, foul-mouthed Weeble-Wobble of a woman (because at 5 ft tall and 20 pounds overweight, that is pretty much what I look like – a Weeble Wobble) who has the awesomest kids in my tiny little universe.

weeble
That wobble on the right (the Asian one) must have been modeled after me. It even has a pretzel in its hand – how appropriate! Credit: Amazon

14 thoughts on “Weebles Wobble but They Don’t Fall Down…

  1. Kids think their moms are beautiful NO MATTER WHAT — because all they see is how much you love them, pouring out of your eyes. We should try to see ourselves that way too. I loved this honest, open post, Vivian!

  2. Um, you run every morning at 4:30am?? Please know how amazing that is, and that you are setting a great example for your kids on the importance of fitting exercise into your routine (no matter how busy you are, because you are pretty damn busy, and I feel inspired by you!!!) Skinny does not equal healthy either! You should give yourself multiple high fives (and perhaps a massage appt?) for your dedication to fitness!!!!

    1. Thank you, Kate! I do hope that doing this stuff will set a good example for my kids. One of my favorite activities to do is to take them out in a double jogging stroller – their patience is much lower these days than it used to be (or perhaps they are just more vocal) so this doesn’t happen as often as it used to, but I love the fact that they sometimes will start zooming around and say, “I running just like Mama” or “I run fast like Daddy.” Funny how “fast” and “Mama” don’t go in the same sentence together, haha!!!

  3. Vivian,
    I was exhausted just reading about your day. I am at capacity too – and my capacity is much lower than yours! One kid, full-time job, demanding partner. Two dogs get the leftovers. I struggle to get up every morning – but not at 4.30am. Hope you get to enjoy your time a bit more, because you could do a whole lot less and still be tremendous. If you keep lifting that bar so high its gonna be completely out of my reach 🙂

    1. Thanks for reading and for your kind comment!

      The new perspective that I have after having kids is that ALL working moms (and all moms in general) are amazing people for the amount that they have to juggle and keep together! I knew this before kids but never appreciated it until I was living it! That means that you’re pretty tremendous, too, if you’re managing a child, a job and two dogs (dogs are practically like kids!!!!).

  4. Vivian, you are a rockstar! I am in awe of how you manage your day: you love and care for TWINS and you still have the stamina to run. Amazing. Your kids are blessed to have such a great mama and role model 🙂

  5. Vivian- I was exhausted just reading about your day- I can’t imagine living it! I remember when the kids were babies and you told me how you got home and after dinner and putting the babies down you had to wash and restock 8+ bottles for daycare the next day! The bottles may be long gone but now is on to lunches, snacks,etc… It is always something and you handle it like a champ! Hang in there and know that you are a superstar in my eyes! xoxo

    1. Jill! Thanks for reading and for your reply. Haha, yes – I’m SO glad the days of washing baby bottles and prepping them for “school” are over. Those damned bottle nipples were such a PITA to clean!!

      You are in the same boat as I am with the two girls, and I am always impressed at how you have managed it all, and never seem any worse for wear!! You (and the other girls) are simply amazing!! ❤

  6. Vivian, I love this post and salute you for all you do! Your kids are so, so lucky to have you as a Mama! ♥

  7. Vivian! I’m all about changing the stories we tell ourselves, and NOT beating ourselves up. But maybe you don’t even need the label “overweight.” Does it serve you? Does it make you feel good about yourself? If not, get rid of it! How about, “This is my body, and my body is amazing and beautiful and nurturing, and oh by the way I cooked two babies in here AT THE SAME TIME!”

    1. Thank you! I love this reply and it is so true. We are our own worst critics and yes, the labels we give ourselves are often not justified. But it is always hard not to compare the condition that we KNOW that we could be in, and the condition that we are currently in. This is why I have to keep re-setting my perspective and remembering what it was that got me here – two really awesome (and sometimes trying!) kids…worth every bit of mental anguish that we might sometimes experience in moments of insecurity.

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