Do you ever have one of those days (weeks, months, years) when you think your kids HATE you? When not only do you think you are doing it all wrong, but maybe they do too (or <gasp> someone else is doing it better)? Both Patty and Sarah hit the nail on the head this week, and got me to thinking of the reasons my kids “strongly dislike” me every now and then.
Let me preface this list by stating the “Mommy Guilt Disclaimer”- I love my children unconditionally, with all of my heart. They are the reason I get up in the morning and fight like hell every day that they have the best little lives ever. But, let’s be real; they are also the reason why bedtime is often the best part of my day, and the wine rack is as essential a fixture in my house as the toilet. I don’t really think they hate me, in fact I’m pretty sure they love me- they prove it every day with their sweet snuggles and spontaneous “I love yous.” BUT I also have the sneaking suspicion that they plot together on the regular to see how long it takes this time to make Mommy go bat-shit crazy.
10 Reasons My Kids Hate Me This Week:
1. I make them eggs and bacon, and occasionally pancakes and waffles on Saturdays and Sundays. They want cereal. On the flip-side, they want eggs, bacon, etc mid-week… please???
2. I make them wear pants in the winter and shorts when it’s hot.
3. I forbid the Penis/Vagina song from being sung in public, especially at Target and Trader Joe’s, where there seems to be an abundance of perfectly well behaved kids tagging along with their judgmental parents who wonder why I am so bad at this.
4. When they say blue, they really mean green, and why can I not figure this game out?
5. We never do anything fun. The beach, the playground, the amusement park, the museum… McDonald’s… all do not make the fun cut. I guess I have to look into that space shuttle to the moon…
6. I make them go outside and play in the sunshine. I make them stay inside when it is thundering and lightning out.
7. I took a picture of them. I should have known the picture would capture her soul, or that she was just done with the paparrazi hounding her. I’m glad she didn’t have an umbrella.
8. I make them wholesome lunches to take to school, but Johnnie gets Lunchables and mini chocolate cupcakes muffins for snack. Alternatively, why am I taking them to McDonald’s again? Don’t you know this food is unhealthy, MOM!
9. I make them go to bed, when clearly there should never be any sleeping, unless we are in a rush to get somewhere, in which case why must I make them get up.
10. I insist they wipe their asses after a poop. Really, this is non-negotiable.
Someone once said to me, “You’re not doing your job unless your kids hate you every now and then.”
Let’s hope that’s true!