The Anxiety Inside Me

For the most part I am a positive, always-look-on-the-bright-side type of person. I can go with the flow, work with what I’ve got and still be happy. However, I do suffer from occasional anxiety and over the past two months it has crept up on me and really put a damper on my daily routine. I used to be able to go months, maybe even a full year without taking any medication, but lately, I can barely go a day; this is when I feel I’ve failed.

My anxiety surfaced when my daughter started having recurring ear infections which resulted in numerous weekly doctor appointments. I believe it became worse when her pediatrician told us she might need surgery. During this time, I started to block out the anxiety and brush it under the carpet simply because I did not have time to deal with it. This, of course, was a bad move on my part because when I started physical therapy for my pelvic bone and post-labor sciatica issues two months ago, the anxiety literally knocked me down on the floor. I can remember being in physical therapy and getting a rush feeling like I was going to pass out. I felt light-headed, dizzy and out of control. I started to cry and called my friend to come get me. At that moment, I was so damn frustrated with myself, so pissed off, that I just wanted to go home and lie in bed.  Unfortunately, I could not because I had a baby to take care of. That’s the biggest challenge I have right now — dealing with my anxiety while trying care for my daughter. I believe many mothers with anxiety feel the same way.

anxiety

For the most part, my husband understands what I am going through and is helpful, but there are times when I believe he feels I can control it and boy, do I wish I could!

I know I am among millions of mothers who suffer from anxiety, but there are days when I just feel like I am the only one dealing with this. While I know it will subside once I no longer need physical therapy and my daughter can go weeks without having fluid in her ear, until then, it’s a daily challenge for me to try and keep my anxiety at bay.

This is one characteristic of myself that I hope I never give my daughter.

To all the mothers out there who suffer from some degree of anxiety, please do not brush it under the carpet. When you feel like you are stretching yourself thin, you need to take some time for yourself, even if it’s just for a few minutes. Don’t ignore the anxiety you are having because if you do not address it on the onset, it will only get worse.

 

8 thoughts on “The Anxiety Inside Me

  1. You are a great person with a humongous heart who puts the well being of others in front of your own. Your blog is uplifting and truly illustrates the ups and downs that come with the joy of parenting. Please keep in mind that the weight of the world is not yours alone to carry. You are surrounded by people who love you and will help. Take each day one decision at a time and do not dwell on that decision. On any given day, you will make 10 major decisions or choices and if 9 of those turn out to be right, you have had a pretty great day. Everything will work out for the best.

  2. Melissa you should never back away from getting the help you need for anxiety. It is a chemical response as any othe biological response is.,.with that said I am a firm believer in many of the posts that Michelle had spoke too. With proper hormonal help and more meditation help I think you will find more peace! Because we all need to find release or comfort for the many years ahead of parenthood. Thank you for sharing such a powerful piece!

  3. You are definitely not alone. I have 3 kids and my oldest is 7. Since I’ve dealt with anxiety in varying degrees as long as I can remember, sometimes when it creeps up it’s such a familiar thing that I do sweep it aside a bit…and then suddenly oops, it’s really really bad. Looking back I realize that during the year after each kid was born I had some serious anxiety, but I was so distracted by taking care of the baby and working etc. that I didn’t realize how bad it got. Now that my youngest is 3 and I’ve had a good stable spell for a few months, this past week when I’ve woken up at night with a *pang* or whatever one calls it, I realize that used to be how I felt all the time, and wow – the contrast has startled me. I can’t believe that was normal to me. Anyway I hope things get better for you soon…and until then, know that nearby there’s another mama keeping it at bay too.

  4. You have DEFINITELY not failed if you need your meds from time to time, or even daily! You should not feel that way at all. In my view, anxiety is a real medical problem, and just as someone with high blood pressure can’t mentally control their blood pressure, sometimes, you need to take medication to help. By knowing when you need to change something in your life and or have help from a medication to be back to where you should you are being smart and strong and doing what you know you need to do! I hope you’re feeling better! 🙂

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