For the most part I am a positive, always-look-on-the-bright-side type of person. I can go with the flow, work with what I’ve got and still be happy. However, I do suffer from occasional anxiety and over the past two months it has crept up on me and really put a damper on my daily routine. I used to be able to go months, maybe even a full year without taking any medication, but lately, I can barely go a day; this is when I feel I’ve failed.
My anxiety surfaced when my daughter started having recurring ear infections which resulted in numerous weekly doctor appointments. I believe it became worse when her pediatrician told us she might need surgery. During this time, I started to block out the anxiety and brush it under the carpet simply because I did not have time to deal with it. This, of course, was a bad move on my part because when I started physical therapy for my pelvic bone and post-labor sciatica issues two months ago, the anxiety literally knocked me down on the floor. I can remember being in physical therapy and getting a rush feeling like I was going to pass out. I felt light-headed, dizzy and out of control. I started to cry and called my friend to come get me. At that moment, I was so damn frustrated with myself, so pissed off, that I just wanted to go home and lie in bed. Unfortunately, I could not because I had a baby to take care of. That’s the biggest challenge I have right now — dealing with my anxiety while trying care for my daughter. I believe many mothers with anxiety feel the same way.
For the most part, my husband understands what I am going through and is helpful, but there are times when I believe he feels I can control it and boy, do I wish I could!
I know I am among millions of mothers who suffer from anxiety, but there are days when I just feel like I am the only one dealing with this. While I know it will subside once I no longer need physical therapy and my daughter can go weeks without having fluid in her ear, until then, it’s a daily challenge for me to try and keep my anxiety at bay.
This is one characteristic of myself that I hope I never give my daughter.
To all the mothers out there who suffer from some degree of anxiety, please do not brush it under the carpet. When you feel like you are stretching yourself thin, you need to take some time for yourself, even if it’s just for a few minutes. Don’t ignore the anxiety you are having because if you do not address it on the onset, it will only get worse.