True Confessions: Sarah

You want the truth? You can’t handle the truth! (Just kidding, I’m sure you can)  I’m taking a break from my usual Wisdom Wednesday column to offer you my True Parenting Confessions…

TrueConfes

 

  1. Sometimes, I secretly eat candy behind the kids’ backs. When my four year old asks what I’m eating, I lie and say “A piece of cheese”.
  2. I have pretended, on a few occasions, not to smell my baby’s poopy diaper on the weekend so my husband will take diaper duty.
  3. Recently, I made a rule that the boys may not come into the kitchen from 6 pm until dinnertime so I can cook in peace. (Well, relative peace. I still end up breaking up 900 squabbles over toys and personal space somehow.)
  4. I swore up and down that my kids would never play with my phone in restaurants…they would simply learn how to behave when we went out to eat. Ha.
  5. I honestly thought being a mom would be a cakewalk compared to teaching a class of 20 kids all day long. I was very…very…very wrong.
  6. I truly believed (and sometimes…gulp…boasted) that I’d never wear maternity pants and would make it through my entire pregnancy in size 4 Seven Jeans with one of those maternity belly bands. The baby only weighs 7 or 8 pounds, right? I’d maybe gain 15 if that. Sixty (yes, that’s 6-0) pounds and 9 months later in August heat…let’s just say it took all the effort I could muster up to wear any pants at all.
  7. A couple of times, after a very long day, I have begged my kids to watch Mickey Mouse Clubhouse and give me 10 minutes to myself. Begged. To no avail.
  8. If I didn’t have to worry about calories, I’d have no problem with eating an entire New York Cheesecake.
  9. When I was in grad school, I got out of class a bit early a couple of times and had to force myself to go home to the kids. I really wanted to just sit in the student center and drink coffee alone and pretend to be in class still…but guilt won, and I went right home.
  10. I drink SO MUCH COFFEE. Like, crazy amounts. I can’t even put a number on it, but it’s bad.
  11. I have purchased “shape wear” to wear under fancy clothes because I’m still not back in the shape I’d like to be. This is 100% because I would rather bear the shame of Spanx and spend my evening drinking wine instead of running on the elliptical.
  12. Every time I put on my tankini instead of a bikini I hate myself a little more.
  13. I want a minivan so badly. I used to HATE everything they stood for. Now I long for one.
  14. When I was pregnant with my first, I told my husband that only bad parents have kids who throw public tantrums. Surely ours would never do this. He laughed heartily and said “Wanna bet on that?”. I bet him $100 that our child would never throw a public tantrum. By now, I think I probably owe him a Ferrari.

    Ohhhhh yeaaaaah....
    Ohhhhh yeaaaaah….

 

 

 

 

 

 

Image credit: http://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://onscreencars.com

16 thoughts on “True Confessions: Sarah

  1. I too thought I could get away with the bella band and wearing slightly larger “regular” clothes instead of maternity wear. Well I was wrong and lived in maternity jeans before my furst trimester was over – lol!

  2. Yup, another one who sneaks eating behind my kiddos backs! Great list, Sarah! (And I was sooo gonna use that Jack Nickelson line on my post but you beat me to it!) ♡

    1. Haha! I was wavering between Jack’s line and MTV Diary Of’s “You think you know…but you have no idea”. Hahhahaha. I really am happy that other moms are eating junk secretly.

    1. 🙂 The funny thing is…Nate has such a strong conscience I KNOW he wouldn’t sneak stuff behind MY back, which makes it even worse since I do…but I don’t even care!

    1. Hahahahahahahahahaha…phew! I am really happy to see I’m not the only person putting on Spanx! My philosophy is no one can see them, but if I don’t wear them under a fancy dress, EVERYONE can see the lines!

  3. Ha ha ha! I also eat candy (or cookies, chips, etc.) behind my kids back. Just yesterday, I told Addison I was eating ham but it was a cookie 🙂 Great list!!!

    1. HAHAHAHAHA! I feel bad for lying, but sometimes I just want a peanut butter cup! Or a spoonful of ice cream! For the LOVE! Hahahha

  4. Nice…I too eat stuff behind my kids backs and I too wear spanx. Who doesn’t? Even movie stars wear spanx, just an FYI 😉

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