Disclaimer: I truly love and adore my child more than life itself. Despite the following confessions, she is a happy and thriving two-and-a-half-year-old. I blame all the mishaps on raging hormones and the craziness of being a first-time mother.
1. I must admit that I get a huge surge of relief the moment my child falls asleep. I might even do a happy dance or two when she goes down for a nap or for the night. I am basically flying by the seat of my pants all day long, so when I hear the glorious sound of my child snoring, I feel normal again.
2. I once forgot to buckle my child in her car seat. By the time I got to the bottom of our driveway, my daughter had crawled out of her seat and into the front passenger seat saying “Hi mommy!” It took me a second to realize what was wrong with that picture.
3. My baby might have rolled off a bed and a couch once….ok, maybe twice. Thank goodness for carpeting and baby chub to cushion the fall.
4. If my daughter is being especially spirited (annoying) in the morning or as we prepare dinner, we immediately plop her in front of Yo! Gabba Gabba, Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, or whatever is on t.v. Works like a charm my friends.
5. On that note, too much children’s music drives me bat-shit crazy. But I fear I might have exposed my daughter to too much Top 40 music because she really loves Nicki Minaj and says “Play that again mommy” whenever she hears her music.
6. I once had my breast pump and milk confiscated by the police at the state capitol building where I work. It was around the time of the ten year anniversary of September 11th so people were extra cautious. I had left my bag of “goods” unattended at a table in the cafeteria. Two people thought my black bag looked suspsicious and reported it to the police who searched the bag all while I was in line at the salad bar and had no idea what was going on. The police were very kind (and a little embarrassed) and returned the bag to me.
7. My daughter is just like me and I fear the two of us torture my poor hubby (a kind and gentle soul) with our demands and mood swings. But hey, the abundance of love we supply to him on a daily basis makes up for it, right?
8. I used to have potty mouth around my daughter but made a conscious effort to stop the minute she once asked me “Is that guy an a-hole?”
9. The most annoying thing as a parent for me right now is the fact that my daughter still wakes 1-2 times a night even though she’s 2.5 years old.
10. For the first six months of my daughter’s life, I think I suffered some form of post-partum anxiety because I worried constantly about every move she made. It was exhausting!
11. I always worry that my child eats a lot of scrambled eggs and pasta and not enough veggies.
12. Motherhood has made me a bit indecisive. I used to be confident, calm and collected, but now I can talk or worry myself out of anything if I think about it long enough. Not always the best quality to have when you’re a parent and need to make speedy, rational decisions on a daily basis.
13. This is not a parenting confession – but one I feel I have to make: This past Christmas, the three of us got locked out of our house. I was so mad and generally stressed out over the holiday, that I accidentally blurted out to my husband that I hated his Christmas present to me (See #7). He reacted with such kindness and explained the thought he put into it. I felt like a total, undeserving b@tch.
14. A dose of working mom guilt: With every milestone my child reaches, I often wonder if it was because of something I taught her or if she learned it from one of her “other mothers” (aka daycare providers).
15. There are times I want to stab myself in the eye when my daughter shouts “I do it! I do it!” I know I should be happy that she’s so independent, but life would be so much easier if I freaking did it sometimes.
So there you have it. I’m guessing that right about now you think I’m either Mrs. Crazy Pants or should be taken away in cuffs by the Parent Police. Or maybe, just maybe, you can relate to some of these? I truly hope it’s the latter 🙂