The Last Time

We’ve been having some great conversations over on our secret blogger Facebook page. Not only about Ben Affleck, but also about this Huffington Post Parents article. Christa posted it just as an FYI, and I’m really glad she did because it made me slow down a bit.

I’ve talked before about the internal struggle I have with myself, and my husband, about whether or not we should have another child. While I don’t really think it’s in the cards right now, I can’t help but feel like I’d be missing out on something. Because with Ben, my last baby, I missed out on a lot of those last times Corneal references in her post.

I wished away Ben’s infancy and babyhood. We were so knee deep in trying to help Max and figure out what he needed when Ben was born that I hurried him along. I wanted him to be able to sit and move around because I knew things would be easier for me. As a baby, he loved to be held so I spent hours with him strapped into my Beco baby carrier…working, eating dinner, playing on the floor with Max. It became a joke to me how much he loved being in there, close to me but I loved it. And now, I’d give anything to have him there, that close, all day long. I don’t even have a picture of us with the carrier. I can’t bring myself to donate it because it just has such loving memories for me. But I have no idea how old he was or when the last time he fit in it was.

I don’t remember when he stopped crawling and starting walking exclusively. I don’t remember the last bottle we gave him or the last time I changed his diaper. In the heat of the moment, I know I was so glad to have those stages over with. No more washing all the bottle pieces; no more buying diapers! But now, I feel like I need to relive having a baby again. I know I would appreciate it all more now since I know this would be my last time. I would take note and pay more attention.

When did my little pumpkin…
…turn into this?

 So now, when one of my boys wants to hold my hand or says something funny, I take note because it might not happen again. If you knew it was the last time you’d experience it, which of your child’s “lasts” do you wish you paid attention to?

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